i started my new job...

i really have to say this... its frickin damn stress ! argh...

but its a great learning experience.. cos i really learn alot of things ! hehe..

so much so.. i am still tired.. whole day busy w/o time to grab a short break too..

TIRED !!!!!!!!!!!!! zzzzzzzz

i am siao !!!!!!!!!!

blah blah blah blah blah.....

i wan to eat alot of things...

i wan to sing songs...

i wan to dance till i drop..

i wan to ride bicycle till my legs go wrobbling..

i wan to sit by the beach watching the sun rises and sets all day..

i wan to sleep all day long..

i wan to fight with someone... haha..

i wan to do everything!!

i am siao!!

After tt horrifying weekend, i was really in a totally stone and bad mood on monday.. i kept myself busy doing all sorts of things.. i went home n pig through the night cos i figured it would be the best thing to do anyway..

tuesday was much better after the long slp.. after work i met up wif rh, cindy, agnes, wee, spencer and jianling to holland v..

i stil tot i would be able to meet dear on wed.. but he's tired.. ok.. i really tried to understand his situation, which i did.. so i went home.. i tot about everything.. i guess i am the only person who can be there for myself if i need any help or any comfort.. sometimes i feel i need to treat myself a little more better.. why do i always think about others first.. why i can sacrifice slp time just to see him.. i think i am really being so stupid.. i really need to think more for myself.. it might sounds selfish.. but there's the way life is isnt it? blah!

yesterday i meet him for dinner.. then we went over to meet up with spencer, rh and wee.. i think next time i shall go alone to meet them instead.. he seems so bored.. cant even sit still to listen wat they saying like last time.. mayb cindy was right.. mayb all of them were right.. he really changed le.. i dont know how to say how he's changed.. i feel so disheartened.. i just dont wish to say anymore.. so i kept quiet..

what happens when u are utterly depressed?

even the slightest thing can make u go nuts..

and even i cant contact dear.. i start to feel more depress.. that i started thinking about everything.. and its more towards the negative path..

it just dawn upon mi that fate is always not on mi and dear's side.. whenever something really terrible hit mi.. he is always just right not around.. ya.. like wat he say.. how is he supposed to know if i dont say.. but it so happened whenever i wanted to call n just share my things.. he just happen not to be there...

all these while.. i have been picking myself up after all these shits.. n i keep questioning myself why must all these happen to me..

and it brings mi to another point that either he doesnt really understand mi.. or he doesnt know how to tackle mi when i am feeling down.. or mayb i have already close myself up...

i have been crying the whole day.. can i learn to adopt a dont-care attitude about everything? plz tell mi how to..

i realli hate him

i realli hate him to the core !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have nv hate someone that i realli wish he will drop dead right now....

i hate the fact that he thinks he contributed so much in this family.. but in actual fact he did not...

all he bought to us was misery... hurt....

i wish i had the power to control ppl... n i will make him die...

no one can ever understand how i feel... ppl may say i am not filial.. but no one can understand why i hate him so much... i just feel the pressure coming down on mi... i just wish everything will end soon...

i realli dont know how long i can take it..

why are other ppl's father so caring... so loving.. so thoughtful.. n yet he so bastard.. i just dont it... bcos of him.. i realli gradually hate staying in this place..

even he onli comes back dont know like once a mth.. i just cant stand the look of him...

dont he have at least some liang xin in him... after all the bad he did...

dont he ever know how to repent in stead of causing of making everything worse..

after everything my mom has done... after mi and my mom paid for his fucking debts.. till i have no money now ! he stil got the cheeks to say mi and my brother are useless...

FUCK HIM.... i seriously hope u go to hell now.. n i mean every single word i say... i dont care if u read this...
come thrash things out with mi like a man la..... i will see wat stupid reasonings u have got to say.....

i am crying real real badly now... i dont know why.. i think i feel realli veri hurt now...

in the end i did not went to zouk.. i went to spenc hse for mj with wee n cindy.. cos all of us was off on thursday ! hehe..

whole night of no slp... i went to my agency in the morning.. n had a nice chat with serene.. after which i went home to take a rest.. n got woken up by dear's call.. so i went over his place to slp again.. lol.. at night.. he brought mi to a place to eat crabs !!! omg.. super delicious can!

friday was working finally after so mani days.. after work i went dinner with char at holland's xo fish noodle stall.. n we caught up wif each other.. then i went off to meet rh and cindy.. off to spencer's hse we go.. for mj again..

mi rh and cindy left early in the morning.. i went home took a veri short nap.. n went off to meet dear to acc him to work.. in the end its raining.. so i went back his place to slp.. before going to meet spencer they all..
was a simple dinner.. and talking session at paulaner with beng spencer and weiling.. hee..

ignore tt previous post.. its just for venting reasons.. i stil love my brother.. lol..

right now.. i am fucking pissed off...

i am seriously wondering what the hell is wrong with the people of this world..

just a few months ago, my brother out of kindness gave his personal particular to his fren to sign up a mobile plan.. (ok, i have to admit he is dumb also la!) his this bloody fren chalked up a total of 2k plus phone bill... billed to our residential address.. and today.. its stil not settled yet..

I dont know how the hell he used so much in a month.. but tt asshole refused to pay up till now... when my mom called, he just decided to stop using tt line... n sign up another line using my bro's particular again!

toking about trust abusing.. i am so damn pissed off... and now he chalked up another 200 plus of phone bills.. when my mom called him just now.. upon hearing wat my mom was going to say, he hung up immediately... FUCKING COWARD CAN !!

argh... why do stupid things always happen within this family.... i had enough ! enough is enough... i just feel like shouting till my voice breaks now... grrrr...

ooo.. i am on mc today again.. infection again.. boooz..

last thursday was dinner at chinatown with jr, cindy, apple, rh, wee, spencer.. n it so happened that the next day all of us except wee were off.. so decided to play mj overnight at spencer's place.. I was thinking of dropping by dear's place to bath before heading over to spencer's hse.. but since dear finish his ops, i decided to accompany him.. so i went over his place.. hee..

Friday went for my eye checkup.. everything was ok le ! n went to meet jr, cindy, shihong, rh, hanwei, beng, victoria and spencer for dinner at orchard.. wanted to go alley bar after that but it was packed ! so we went over to a pub that victoria recommend de... its like that worst pub i ever been to.. can u imagine almost all of the people that are younger than us.. and their singing totalli sucks ! omg..

Saturday was out to sentosa with elaine.. n after which was shopping for both of us.. before i went to meet rh, wee, beng, jr, cindy, lingzi and agnes for ice age 2... beng, wee and rh treated mi.. hee.. thanks! tt show is damn funni.. tt stupid rat is like so idiotic! afterwhich mi, beng , wee and lingzi went down sch for the gl prep camp.. actualli basically there i was editing my blogskin with the help from charlene ! thanks alot girl !

Sunday early in the morning i pop by dear's place.. n fell aslp there till late afternoon.. -_- we went town shopping and i watch ice age with him again.. lol.. stil entertaining after the second time.. hee..

Monday was usual working day.. boring in fact.. whole day diff ppl tried to convince me to stay.. but i just couldnt be bothered.. lol..

Yesterday was half day for mi.. bcos i felt so bored.. lol.. dear also released early! so i went over his place to take an afternoon nap.. lol.. after tt we went to suntec for steamboat buffet.. cos i was so craving it !! lol.. we went to search for his dad's present bcos its his birthday.. after which home sweet home.. =)

right now i am deciding if i should go zouk tonight.. its been frickin long time since i went clubbing.. sheez.. argghh i wanna slp lo.. tata..